what means the world to you?
Me to Me: What means the world to you?
i can honestly say that up until maybe five years ago, i’d been living for the approval of my family—my parents especially. i had rebellious tendencies as a child, but always excelled in school. in a way, my academic accolades were leverage. as an adult, i relied on my professional advancement to please and impress my parents. it was my way of saying “i know i was a bit much as a kid, but look at what i’ve become.” then, one day a light went off.
in an earlier post, i mentioned an unhealthy relationship that basically derailed and challenged my sense of self. in coming to terms with my decision to engage in this unhealthy relationship, i noticed a pattern i’d been developing over the course of my entire life at that point. i’d basically been groomed into being a people-pleaser by the time i met this guy, so i was primed for his level of abuse—to the point where i didn’t even realize it was abuse. i normalized this pressure of trying to live up to or even surpass the expectations that are placed on me by others, and at the expense of my self-esteem.
this experience forced me to pursue therapy. my therapist introduced me to shadow work, which involves healing your inner child. in order to heal the inner child, you basically have to relive some very unhealthy, not so great experiences. it’s meant to better you, but it’s not fun. as a result, you become empowered to lovingly mother/father yourself in the ways that your parents didn’t (know how to). whenever i get the chance, i tell people that therapy was the best thing that happened for me. it forced me to observe and dissect the life i created for myself, plus my emotional and mental state. i’m generally a very happy go lucky kind of woman, but i was honestly carrying so much pain. it was time to release it.
releasing this pain meant releasing people and relationships that were more burdensome than peaceful and empowering. releasing this pain meant disassociating myself from the expectations of others, and living a life that’s true to me—a life that i can live with no matter how disappointing this might be for others. releasing this pain meant establishing boundaries for myself and others. and finally, releasing this pain meant embracing and accepting all of me. as one can imagine, this type of release allowed me to make room for me as well.
my therapy sessions ended about two years ago. contrary to what people believe, therapy isn’t meant to be pursued endlessly. if you go to the right therapist, you’ll be equipped with the proper tools to live the life you desire and in your own way. over the last two years my tools have been put to excellent use. old wounds have been triggered more times than i can count, but in growing into yourself you learn how to be easy on yourself. you realize that you don’t have to pressure yourself to be, show up, and perform in the ways others may have expected of you. you realize you’re in fact the master of your fate, the captain of your soul. this type of agency is all the redemption one needs.
fast forward, i’ve gotten clearer about how i want to pursue life and how to maintain peace along the way. i only want peaceful dynamics with others, and that starts with the peaceful dynamic i have with myself. we set the tone for how life shows up for us. and, i set the tone for how i show up for myself.
Me to Me: What means the world to you? Me: A life well lived.
- mytenofcups x
